It's good I didn't write my last post a mere twelve hours later, as it would have been much more negative. My friend Ben came over to study on Sunday, and I got in a huge fight with my host parents following his departure. I haven't spoken with either face-to-face since, and have only been in the same room with my host mother- once- when we didn't even have eye contact.
I told my host mom he would be coming over to study that afternoon. When he left, my host dad told me that I could not have people in the house he didn't know- "es una regla." Not any rule you have ever told me! I said, "para estudiar?" and he said, "nadie que yo no conozco-" again, no one I don't know.
The irony in this is that my host parents have no interest in my life, don't know any of my friends, so that basically means bitch, you can never have a single soul in the house. Although one, that is not fair and I am sure not within the guidelines of hosting, and two, they never told me this! I got really mad, was going to the roof to call Ben, and turned around and said "can I tell you something? You (plural) should not have host students here, because you are not nice people." I then stormed up to the roof, and he protested but didn't followed me.
I called Ben and then Liz and cried up there for awhile, and under their advice and my own that I had not done anything wrong- I let my host mother know that he was coming before he did; if there was a problem, she should have told me- I went down and started speaking in whirlwind Spanish, saying I hadn't done anything wrong, I told her he was going to come, etc. We fought for about ten minutes and got nowhere. They told me this house was not a place to meet up.
ONE PERSON! TO STUDY! They should not HAVE host students if that is unreasonable! I was furious and started talking about how uncomfortable I felt in the house, and she said why? I give you pills when you are sick (once), I give you little desserts a few times a week, everything you need.
That is not what I need. I need to NOT have to ask permission to drink a glass of milk in my own house. I need to feel comfortable. I need to not feel like I am doing anything and everything wrong in your presence. I told them I had tried to change so much, and they were not trying to work with me at all. They said they were. I asked how. Then they said they didn't have to change, I was the one who had come there for exchange.
This is true. But living here has been one of the hardest things I have ever done. Hours alone in my room (I can't go out every night), door shut, usually no internet, no stimulating conversation, no interest. It blew my mind. I was so upset. I should have worked harder to move in October. This house is a pesadilla.
To make matters worse, Monday I started coming down with a cold, and yesterday I was miserable. I had finals both days, and on Tuesday, walking to my first bus, I felt so nauseous I keeled over on the street and contemplated taking a taxi home, but I went to school and got through with the final. It's been hard to stay awake 12 hours at a time. It is just a cold, but with extreme exhaustion, sore throat, runny nose, etc. So those plans to spend a night in a town a few hours away to escape Quito? Kaput. I feel like shit.
Tomorrow or Friday I will go shopping one last time, and I have to start to pack because I will be gone most of Friday and half of Saturday, at my class party and sleeping over. I am a bit wary, even though I love all these kids and always enjoy hanging out with them; that I will just not be i the mood to party all night. If I am still sick I won't go, but I really want to. I also need to find time to say bye to other gringo friends that are still here, although I have no idea when that will happen.
I am incredibly upset that this is how I am ending my last days in Quito- sick, unhappy with my host parents and wanting to leave, but there is nothing I could have done to change it, save shut my mouth when my host father said that to me. But I don't regret. I feel like I have been walked over all semester by them. I've already written a letter detailing why I have been unhappy here and what inappropriate things they have done.
I miss my real family. I miss being able to tell who is walking through the house just by the sound of their footsteps, my mom watching all her stupid antiques shows, the winter living room with the CHRISTMAS TREE we will have oh so soon, New York City streets, being to walk outside (at night) without fear of being mugged or assaulted, not being stared at by everyone from young girls to old men because of what I look like. So soon. So soon.
To sum it up, I am sick, tired, bored, homesick, unhappy and unwelcome in this house, and more than ready to go home.
My flight is 7:30 AM Sunday.
3 days...
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